Don't Forget to Remember Me
by peetaxkatniss4evr
Summary: It's just for a second. But just for that spilt second, that small fraction of time; his face appears behind her eyes before her new fiancée's lips delicately press against hers. It wasn't supposed to end like this.


**A/N: My first fanfiction! Please read and review and tell me what you think! I'm always up for contructive critisism and ideas. This is kind of an angsty one-shot and i normally hate angsty when it comes to Puckleberry becuase i love them sooooooooo much but this plot bunny would not get out of my head!**

**Disclaimed: Oh how i wish i owned glee.**

It's just for a second. But just for that spilt second, that small fraction of time; _his_ face appears behind her eyes before her new fiancée's lips delicately press against hers.

It wasn't always like this. In fact, it was much different than it was now, now it's only a part of her past; a distant memory even.

She supposes the beginning of the inevitable end began just after senior year, or maybe it was before she even left, all she knew was that it was over and that the damages left awful scars.

* * *

Rachel Berry was 18 when she _really_ fell in love. It wasn't the same theoretical love she had with Finn because that only worked on paper, her and Noah just worked. She supposes you could say that Noah Puckerman had always held a part, although a very small part, of her heart. The summer her and Finn called it quits for the last time, Noah came to her. And somewhere between what she thought to be harmless flirting and casual caresses, between all of that sexual tension and heated make out sessions which meant more to her than she lead on, they fell in love.

It was simple yet, passionate and everything the two dreamed of and more. Then reality hit and she's going to blame her use of profanity on Noah for this one, but _shit got real._

There was no time for skinny dipping at the lakes or getting drunk and making love will the sun rose and doing it all over again. No, now was the time for college applications and packing for New York and finally being able to get the future she'd always wanted.

Except they loved each other _so_ much they were going to make this long distance thing work.

They had to.

* * *

Their last night was just as hard as she would have suspected, even more if she was being honest. She can't help herself from thinking about the 790 mile difference Chicago is from New York.

"Stop thinking. I can hear the wheels turning in that pretty little head of yours." She loves him _so_ much, and not just because when he says this he pulls her closer to him, but because he's the only person that just knows her so well. "M'not gonna forget about you, y'know? I'm in this for the long haul, baby. And you sure as hell better not fucking forget about me." See? This is why she loves him, because without even having to voice the fears that lurk around the back of her mind, he knows how to quiet them.

She chuckles, presses a kiss to his bare chest, and promises, "Never."

It's enough for now.

* * *

New York is _home_. It's the first time in her whole life she knows this is where she was meant to be. She loves the people, she loves the weather, and she loves the craziness that ensues from the time she wakes up till the time she goes to sleep. But most importantly, she loves staring up at the marquee and just _knowing_ that in a couple years max, it's not going to be just any name up there it's going to be hers.

She tells Noah this and she can practically hear the eye roll through the phone. "Baby, your gonna run this town"

"Did you just quote Jay Z?" This is the only thing she misses about Lima, being with him. The bickering, the useless chatter about anything and everything, she even misses the inappropriate innuendos and groping. She hears him chuckle and the faint 'Dude, were gonna be late' and after just five minutes he says he has to go.

He stops her though, "Just promise that I'm the first person you call when they're putting your name up in lights, Berry."

"Of course. You better be available," she jokes.

"Always."

Something tells her to remember this moment, but she can't quite put her finger on it as to why.

* * *

The calling frequency between the two of them has noticeably gotten smaller and smaller. They both understand though that between classes, and parties (him),and vocal lessons (her), and studying that talking an hour a night isn't always going to work.

They still make time for each other because they love each other and five minutes here and 20 minutes there is an awful lot better than not talking at all. Plus the email every now and again and Thanksgiving is coming up soon so they'll see one another soon enough.

He visits one weekend because they just announced they're holding a workshop Thanksgiving break and anyone who wants to be someone goes to this thing so she absolutely can't miss it.

They haven't seen each other since he dropped her off at the airport in August and he makes good on his promises he made to her on the taxi drive over to her apartment. Something that shall not be repeated because she gets flustered just _thinking_ about it.

He tells her everything about Chicago and how much he loves it and how he can't wait for her to visit. She thinks it's great he's loving college life so much, but can't help but feel a pang of disappointment (?) that he seems to be getting along so great without her.

She thinks about him every single day and embarrassedly still cries herself to sleep every now and then.

She can feel him forgetting her little by little, but she quickly shoves that thought away because he promised he wouldn't. And he _always_ follows through on his promises.

* * *

She's cast in an off-off-_off - _Broadway rendition of _A Walk To Remember_ and she's so excited because it's never been done before and she gets to make it her own.

She's cast opposite a boy named Sage, who everyone tells her they hate because he's this egotistical neanderthal who is the crassest person to ever walk the planet. She's met a guy like him before, one that she misses deeply and Sage reminds him of her so it's only natural that they hit it off right away.

The second he makes a pass at her though she firmly tells him of her boyfriend back in Chicago. "Awfully far for a boyfriend to be away from 'his girl'." He sounds like he's challenging her and she has this strange urge to defend her and Noah's relationship.

"Yes, well, we have both mutually agreed on attempting a long distance relationship which has been benefitting the both of us I may add. He is actually quite like you-"

"Ok I gotcha, motor mouth. C'mon let's talk it over coffee," She'd be offended if she wasn't so used to remarks like this from Noah. But at the coffee statement she raises an eyebrow and he rolls his eyes and adds, " _Shit_, as friends, alright?"

It'd be nice to have a friend like him in New York she thinks.

* * *

She hasn't heard from Noah in a week and she's starting to get antsy. They've emailed but every time one of them calls, she's either at rehearsals or he's walking out of the door for another frat party. She has so much to tell him and she misses home _so_ much.

The last time they talked they had kind of ended on a sour note. She was telling him all about rehearsals, and Sage and her surprisingly nice understudy when, "Don't get any fucking ideas." He says.

"Excuse me? I _know_ you're not insinuating that _I_ would cheat on you?"

"What's' that supposed to mean?"

"Can't you just be happy that I have found a compatible co-worker that happens to have also become a close friend of mine? I actually think you two would get along, what is wrong with you?" It didn't take long for her to realize he was drunk because the next minute he's telling her how much he 'fucking misses her' and how his 'balls are actually turning fucking blue, Rach. _Blue!_' She just told home to call her when he was in his right mind and hung up.

It seems every time they talk they're fighting about something. She knows deep down they're just frustrated over the distance separation but still when she calls him to tell him all about how wells she's doing and all he can say is that he's glad to know her life is perfect without him? That hurts. And she knows he's only saying it to hurt her and he's never done that on purpose before.

The distance is killing them and she hates it.

* * *

Sage is really frustrating her one night, keeps on making remarks on Noah.

"So how's that _friend_ of yours in Chicago, was it?" He's just trying to get under her skin, but week after week he keeps on slipping comments about how he hasn't seen her talking to _that boy_ (she doesn't understand why he calls Noah that, he's only a year older than him) lately and it's just really pissing her off. What she doesn't know though if it's just that fact that he's really getting annoying, or the fact that he's making her feel like she should be worried about Noah or something.

"Actually I am going to go see my _boyfriend_ tomorrow night after our show."

He shuts up then and that's that.

* * *

She didn't tell Noah she was coming up this weekend because she wanted to surprise him. She thanks Barbara for her good luck because she can already see his dorm room 14B is cracked open so she won't need to knock.

Seems that Noah's the ones full with surprises tonight though.

She finds him shirtless handcuffed to his bed while he trails kisses up the abdomen of some girl in a half torn off, skimpy police officer suit straddling him lap.

She's frozen in her spot as the _tramp_ moans out his nickname and tells him she knew he wasn't a one woman man. Oh, so he's been telling people about her. How flattering.

The moment his hazel eyes connect with her tear filled ones, he alts his ministrations and immediately tries to get up from the bed. He's handcuffed so that doesn't really work out for him and the _hobag_ mistakes it for a thrust and before he can say anything she's running down the dorm hall way into her car.

She ignores all his calls that night. He's forgotten about her. She wonders what other promises he's neglected to follow through on.

* * *

She's really thankful for Sage the next couple of weeks. He's so sweet, and understanding and refrains from making any remarks about Puck except for the faint "Fucking idiot" he mutters to himself under his breath.

He stays with her and the night that Puck ashamedly pounds on her doorstep begging her to let him explain, he's the one that answers the door for her and tells him she's not home.

He emails all the time and tells her how sorry he is and how he felt like she was destined for greater things than he was and how depressed it made him knowing that she was doing fine without him. He said if she'd just give him a chance he'd make it up to her and that she is the best thing that's ever happened to him and that he is just _so, so_ sorry.

It's the day that she decides to forget Noah Puckerman.

* * *

Sage and her kiss one night in central park. She doesn't feel anything. Maybe it's because she's just so…. _empty_.

* * *

Days turn into weeks, which turn into months, and eventually Puck stops emailing her and that ache in her chest, while still there ( painfully so), has begun to dull. She's able to watch movies that her and Puck watched when they were together without crying until midway through.

It's progress. And Sage is there to help her, which is kind of bitter sweet because he reminds her so much of the man that tore her heart into pieces, reminds her so much that she knows it will be impossible to ever really develop feelings for him.

She wishes she could. But as much as she hates to admit it, her heart isn't even hers to give. It's still wrapped around the finger of another man, back in Chicago.

She starts feeling really homesick. Home is in fact where the heart is, correct?

* * *

A year passes and that little ol' play she did awhile back? Well they're bringing it to Broadway and now she's watching them put the R-A-C-H-E-L B-E-R-R-Y on the marquee. She squeals as she watches them put the finishing touches on the board and she digs through her purse to call her boyfriend.

He informs her that he too, is in fact in the show, but laughs anyway and tells her he has something special planned for tonight.

She vividly remembers another time in another place where there was another boy telling her to call him on this day.

But that was in fact so long ago.

* * *

Life is good. She has Broadway. A man that's in love with and faithful to her. A Tony under her belt.

She wonders when it's ever going to feel like it's enough.

He proposes. And she _has_ to say yes. Her fathers' love him, his adore her, and they're on their fourth year starring opposite each other. She has to say yes.

He grins, a really familiar grin. It's just for a second. But just for that spilt second, that small fraction of time; _his_ face appears behind her eyes before her new fiancée's lips delicately press against hers.

She hasn't thought about Puck for awhile.

Or so she likes to tell herself.

* * *

Sage and herself are sitting on the couch. She didn't mean to say it. But one second they're discussing weddings and honeymoons and the next she hears herself saying, "I can't do this."

The whole world stops right about then. Silence. And understanding (?) etched on his face. He tugs her in closer to him, kisses her forehead, and whispers so softly she almost didn't hear it, "I know, Rachel, I know."

And then she just cries.

Cries for the man in front of her, who was willing to marry her even though he knew he would never be _it_ for her. She cries for him because she'll always love him, but just not that way she's supposed to. She cries for the time she's wasted for him and she cries for the things he's given up for her.

But lastly, she cries for herself. She cries for herself because of the man that she just can't seem to ever let go.

* * *

She decides a trip to Lima for Christmas is long overdue. Her understudy and director are already prepared for her indefinite leave due to 'personal issues' for which they will tell the press, and Sage and her part agreeing to be friends and decide to figure everything out when she gets back.

She doesn't know when she'll be ready to come back.

Lima is refreshing. It's quiet and so much more easy-going than the busy streets of New York. The remaining Glee members that stayed in Ohio throw her a 'Welcome Home' party and she wonders why she ever left.

* * *

She knew it would happen eventually. Just not like this. It's about 2 weeks after she came back and she sees him first at 7-11 at the slushie machine.

Ah, the nostalgia.

She keeps on telling herself to turn around and walk away, but her brain to feet filter seems to be malfunctioning because she finds herself stepping closer. He look up right when she's finally gotten a hold of herself and is about to turn around.

"I heard you were in town." She's so mesmerized by those eyes (oh those eyes!) and actually hearing his voice for the first time in five years she doesn't even realize he's talking to her. He seems to mistake her silence for a silent treatment because he immediately does that thing with his fingers when he gets nervous.

She doesn't know whether to feel pleased or apprehensive of the fact that she still knows him so well. It'd be easier if she didn't because then seeing him wouldn't bring back those damn butterflies.

"Hi, Puck." Rachel's nervous and timid, and she can see that he winces at the use of his nickname. "Maybe we can go for a walk?" At this his ears perk up and he nods eagerly.

At first it's just a bunch of small talk. How's Chicago, New York, the family, work? Her guard is up and he knows why. They find a little park bench to sit on and fall into a comfortable, yet heavy silence.

They haven't spoken in five years. They haven't spoken in five years, but Rachel's never felt more at home in those five years than she does right now.

* * *

It's quite tragic really. Loving someone after all the hurt they put you through and knowing that they will obviously never love you the way you will always love them.

"I want you to know how sorry I am, Rach," Puck starts off; a bit shakily she might add. She's about to interrupt, but he puts two fingers over her mouth to silence her. She really hopes he didn't feel her shiver. "I have done a lot of shitty things in my life. But the _one_- the one thing I regret most is what I did to you," He's getting choked up and Rachel too can feel tears fill her eyes when he reaches out to caress her cheek. "I loved you- still love you- so much that I just couldn't bear to sit by and watch you become a star while I was some loser working to be a who knows what! I didn't know what I was doing with my life back then, all I knew was that I wanted you there with me. But, you had everything mapped out for you, Rach. And then there was that guy…. Sage. You talked so highly of him and I just felt, _replaced_. "

"Oh, Noah. Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"Because Rachel, I came to visit you a week before you came to me. And I saw you with him rehearsing in between takes and you had _that_ look. The look you had with Finessa and the look you gave me. You were smitten with him."

"But I loved _you,_" Rachel says forcefully.

"I know that now Rachel. And I feel so stupid and I know things can't go back to the way they were. But don't marry the guy," How had he heard about her engagement? Didn't he hear she called it off? "You love him I know. But I can make it up to you, just- just give me a chance and I swear on- I don't even know. But I swear to you that I'll love you till the day I die. I swear to you that I'll love you and only you and to never hurt you intentionally again. Because when I hurt you, it fucking kills me. It fucking kills me to be away from you and I can't go another day doing it anymore. Don't marry the guy, please."

She doesn't answer him. She doesn't even know what to say. So she harnesses all the feeling she can get, and throws it into the kiss she forcefully presses onto his lips.

* * *

They're not perfect. And they have a lot of things they're going to have to figure out and a whole lot of issues they have to solve that are going to take awhile.

All of that doesn't matter.

What matters is she has him, and he has her.

The Enddd

A/N: Ok so I don't really know if I'm really satisfied with the ending, but I just needed them to be together because I love me some Puckleberry! Please review and tell me what you think!


End file.
